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Archive for September, 2018

Stuck

I don’t know if writer’s block is really a thing, but I definitely experience times when I feel stuck.

Sometimes it’s putting in the time: I could write now, or I could read this really excellent book. I could write now, but I really need to do the dishes. I could write now, or I could catch up on sleep. Life has its ways of intervening. Other times, it’s looking at a blank page and getting nothing: when the simple act of typing one word after another feels like running on sand, exhausting and ineffective.

I’m having One of Those Years, it seems, where emotions are running high and Stuff Keeps Happening. When I have time to write, all I want to do is read or sleep or watch tv. When I do manage to sit upright at the computer, my hands seem too heavy to lift to the keyboard, and my head seems empty of even the most banal phrase.

I’ve not been doing nothing. I finished and submitted a pitch for Short Trips. “Dragon’s Haunt” continues to make the rounds – though sometimes an unconscionable amount of time seems to pass between submissions – and even won an award. A sequel to “Counter Clockwise” moves forward in fits and starts. I get to my writers group almost as often as I don’t. But I’m not writing every day, or even every week. I’m reading shitty first drafts in my group, which I previously considered a waste of everyone’s time.

It’s actually not unlike my fitness regimen. I haven’t been getting to the gym every week, and sometimes my only excuse is I Don’t Feel Like It. I could be getting better, but I’m lying on the couch. Maybe I need to rest and recharge, or maybe I just don’t have the drive any more.

I don’t think either endeavor is doomed. I write sometimes, and expect to write again. I go to dance class, and I expect I’ll get to the gym again. I’m going through something right now – but right now isn’t forever.

The noise for Nano has begun again. Last year wiped me out: I “won,” but I’ve been struggling ever since. Still, I may have use for this year’s event. Something every day, perhaps? I’ve been aiming for and occasionally hitting a goal of 10 minutes/200 words. I could try and make that a proper habit. But I won’t go for 50k again anytime soon. I’m not ready for another marathon.

For now I keep walking; maybe one day I’ll be ready to run again.

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