Archive for the ‘Grief’ Category

Since both fiction and grief have been frequent themes here, I’d like to share a comment I made over at The Mary Sue:

Fiction is a wonderful way to process real-life trauma. Reality is too real sometimes; you can’t let yourself feel what you need to feel, it’s just too big and too hard. But in fiction you can let it in.

I lost my mom when I was a teen, both too young and too old to process it appropriately. Since then, two fictional characters have given me access to that process. One, I won’t identify, because you might read the book and oh boy not seeing it coming was everything. We’ll just say she was so like my mom from the beginning: taking care of everyone, not worrying about anything, just handling it, basically just eternal in the way moms are. Having a POV character wake up to find her GONE was traumatizing in the worst/best way. I definitely dealt with some unprocessed emotion after reading that book.

The other was Lis Sladen/Sarah Jane Smith. The actress, also like my mom in many ways, had just passed when I finally watched ‘School Reunion.’ The whole conversation about how things change, and time passes, and everything ends – especially given that she was already gone, her impact made – was incredibly empowering to me.

So yeah, fiction can cause you grief, but fiction can also help you deal with that grief, in ways that sometimes the ‘real’ world cannot.

(Original here.)

Also, here’s the poem I wrote for that first, unidentified character (beware, there’s a clue in the comments): Misunderstanding

and for Sarah Jane: Angel and Goodbye, Sarah Jane

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My life ended

the day you went away

and I would give all I have

to have you stay.

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What matters pain
the agony of grief
the ache of failure
of remorse
depression, sadness
hollow emptiness.
Life, in all its stubbornness
goes on
and so must you
lost, yes, and alone
a world of pain before you.
Relentlessly the lungs draw breath
the heart beats, inexorable
someday you will rise
and live again

but not today.

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the shovels bite the black earth
turn, and empty
drop their cascade of living soil
to rattle dead wood below.
but they go on
crunch and swing and clatter
obscuring the last sight
the last touch.
do not leave me
cloven, sundered
soft as raindrops the last dirt settles
and I am alone.

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Happy endings

I have a passion for them. I need them; I don’t enjoy stories without them and I don’t like to write such stories. I have to wrap everything up nicely; even after terrible things happen, life must go on, and characters must be okay with that. Uplift is what I seek in the end.

Life, however, isn’t like that. Sometimes it’s not okay, never will be okay again.

There was a story I read on whofic long ago, one I’ll never find again because I don’t know the title or the author and the content is so broad. It upset me so much, with its weak portrayal of the aftermath of death, that I felt compelled to answer. The result was Sound and Fury, on this blog.

Maybe that wasn’t enough.

The prompt which resulted in that story was this (or something like it): AU TenII after Rose’s death. Here I submit my own effort.


8/24/12 And here’s another one, which sort of resolves, sort of:


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Have you met him


in passing

he nods, pauses briefly

and continues on his way.

Have you met her

his companion

constant shadow


her many sisters

they linger, dawdling

wherever he transpires.

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At the end of inspiration
darkness falls
a fine fog drapes the world
beauty dimmed
joy, out of reach.
Present, a desire for that which cannot be
a silly thought
a childish dream
a wish for something unreal
non existent
Common perhaps
a desire to be one other than oneself.
but unshakable.
There is so much light in my life
but I see only shadow
There is nothing to hold me down
and yet
I cannot

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